


Back To Tomorrow

by heijihatsutori



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Fanmix, Gen, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:56:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4667330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heijihatsutori/pseuds/heijihatsutori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Now with fanmix. [Download](http://heijihatsutori.livejournal.com/16253.html) or [listen to the playlist](http://8tracks.com/heijihatsutori/back-to-tomorrow).

 

  
  


_What are we  
Living for  
We couldn’t know_  
  
  
  
*******

  
  
            There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.  
  
            One would attribute that to the elders of the town, who would warn against going down the very road, much less visiting the café, with threatening and cautionary tales keeping the curios away, passed from generations to generations; words like haunted by death being the most common legend about the place.  
  
            For there is a plot of land near the entrance of the café, and red spider lilies filling the area to the brim, creating a sea of red before one can even see the shop. Sometimes there are youngsters who feel adventurous enough to get close, and they can see stalks of white lilies adorning the sidewalk near the door, as well as surrounding the vicinity.  
  
            It makes for an achingly picturesque scenery, eerily so.  
  
            Alas, the café still operates as usual; the open sign hanging at the door, the smell of fresh coffee greets the people who walk by, and sounds of music flowing softly from the translucent windows, warm and inviting, every single time without fail.  
  
            That is how things are, and secretly inside, how everyone thought it should be.  
  
            For the place is always there, a constant through time, doors welcome for the broken ones with shadows in their eyes, and perpetual sadness clinging to their entire being.  
  
            Only to be greeted by the very ghost in their hearts.  
  


*******

  
_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice_  
  
  
            A cool hand touches his face, and Sunggyu jolts awake with a start, his mind spinning. He can feel the sunlight spilling across the room, hitting his lying body unabashedly, and a hushed murmur filling the silence, though he is still too disoriented to listen properly. He pushes his body up to a sitting position, blinking repeatedly, willing himself awake, despite the lethargic seeping deep into his bones.  
  
            “We’re going to be late, hyung.”  
  
            He turns to meet a very much frowning Sungyeol, and he pointedly ignores the worry in the younger’s eyes. Instead, he nods and stands up, making a beeline to the bathroom. Routinely, he stares at the mirror, noting the permanent dark under his eyes, and promptly opens the cabinet, reaching for the usual medication.  
  
            He has always been a lazy guy, and taking naps as hobby definitely tells something, that he cannot help but snickers at the irony of everything.  
  
            Excessive Daytime Sleepiness, they say. My brain finally brakes, he thinks.  
  
            He glances at the door, confirming it is locked, before swallowing the pills dry.  
  
            Outside, he can hear the usual opening and closing of drawers, indicating that his time is up, and he puts the bottle back into place. He walks out later to see Sungyeol already at the front door, tying his shoelaces and making a remark on him being a slowpoke, to which he jabs the other on the rib, before shuffling back into the room to get ready.  
  
            If he takes a couple of minutes more than necessary, Sungyeol says nothing.  
  
            Together, they walk down the road towards the humble restaurant by the corner, where he works as a waiter on good days or switching with Sungyeol to dish washing duty on days where the drowsiness persist, and he is forever thankful that the owner, one of the elders of the town, never fires him, despite the many mishaps and broken plates he caused at the diner.  
  
            He also knows that partially it is because Sungyeol always makes up for the trouble by working twice as hard -even when he really should not have. But from time to time he can see the emptiness in the other’s eyes, and he will hold onto him a bit longer, singing softly under his breath, until sleep takes the younger away from him.  
  
            He wonders if he is being selfish, if it really is fine to continue living like this, yet he can see and hear Myungsoo talking animatedly in the dark, before he can feel his body collapses down on the bed, shutting down on him.  
  
            Kim Sunggyu sighs, heavily, closes his eyes, and stops thinking altogether.  
  


*******

  
_Without harming anyone else_  
_Protect yourself in a refined way_  
  
  
            Before the pills become a permanent fixture in Sunggyu’s life, there is Myungsoo, the resident pizza deliverer in the town with plaid clothes as uniform and a penchant for everything black in his wardrobe. Nobody quite remember how it started, yet somewhere along the way the younger was always there, a box of pizza on one hand and a cheeky smile painted on the admittedly handsome face.  
  
            In the prospect of free food, the others were quick to embrace the younger into the group, aside from Sungyeol, who had ridiculed the guy at first, and keeping his distance as defense mechanism against the kid who seems to come out of nowhere.  
  
            Yet out of everyone, it was always Sungyeol the younger attached to, making small talk or just sits next to the other, to his exasperation and the other guys’ amusement. Either Myungsoo did not get the memo or just plain uncaring about it, Sungyeol has no idea.  
  
            Alas, persistence wins, perhaps, as he caught himself warming up to the other, and before he knew it they have become the best of friends -despite the opposite in their personalities-, the kind that camps on the rooftop just for the hell of it to see the shooting stars, a DSLR camera accompanying their every escapade, scattered pictures courtesy of one Kim Myungsoo all over the floor, leaving trails of disaster on their wake.  
  
            More often than not, he found himself to be on the other end of the lens, almost like a constant model to the younger. When confronted on it, either by him or the other guys, Myungsoo will always shrug, dismissing the question entirely.  
  
            The one time he did answer, the younger was staring at an image of Sungyeol permanently captured in the camera, staring straight at him, the expression unreadable, and spoke in a low voice, almost like a whisper.  
  
            “I want to see if it is possible to have a different look in our eyes.”  
  
            He raised an eyebrow at that, uncomprehending, and Myungsoo smiles.  
  
            “No offense, but I’m afraid we are more alike than we thought we are.”  
  
            Sungyeol was yet to know this, but the words will stay with him for a long, long time.  
  


*******

  
_Ripping out the pages  
How'd I get so faded?_  
  
  
            A low rumble of engine coming to a stop catches Dongwoo’s attention, and he opens his eyes to see a black van parked right in front of him. He gets on with work, pumping the gas with as much passion as a dead rock, one hand toys the lollipop stick hanging out of his mouth.  
  
            He picks up the nozzle, putting it back to place, collects the payment, and bows. Then he sits down again on the cheap plastic chair; head lolled to the side, leaning on the gasoline pump, and closes his eyes, hugging his body for warmth against the cool night breeze. Alas, the repetition of routine day in and day out might be enough to drive one crazy, but he needs this, as a semblance of normalcy despite everything.  
  
            He shoves his hands into the pocket of his jacket, and fiddles with the lighter inside, the one he bought at the cheap convenient store two blocks down, long before Howon lands a job at the said store.  
  
            He had went there with Myungsoo for snacks, and decided to humor the younger by getting them matching lighters, the small silver metal case glistening on the counter catching the other’s attention. The smile he received in return was so bright it had made him so, so happy he grits his teeth at the memory, so hard the lollipop stick breaks into two, the end part hitting the ground.  
  
            He spits the remainder of it out, and laughs bitterly.  
  
            Now the metal feels cold in his palm, yet he never flicks it on, opting to use the one he bought with his first pack of cigarettes instead, and hides its existence from the others. God knows Howon will flip if he ever found out about it, and he does not think Sunggyu will appreciate it either, after all that had gone down.  
  
            He briefly wonders what Woohyun will have to say on it and his brain promptly short-circuited, as the craving for nicotine starts again, hitting him so hard it hurts.  
  
            Taking his mind off that line of thought, Dongwoo stares ahead, and if he squints hard enough he can imagine Sungjong sitting on the chair across of him, white cloth on hand, readying to wipe the windshield.  
  
            Sunggyu’s frowning face pops up in his head and he almost screams.  
  
            Right, he is not the one with hallucination problem, now.  
  
            Dongwoo promptly lights up a stick of cigarette, all precaution out the window.  
  


*******

  
_And there is grace within forgiveness  
But it's so hard for me to find_  
  
  
            He walks steadily and stealthily around the lawn, relishing the feel of the sun on his skin, and ducks out of the gate when he is sure no one is watching before making a run for it, adrenaline pumping his body with excitement.  
  
            Sungjong is not supposed to leave the building, but he woke up earlier with ‘screw the rules!’ along with all kinds of rebellious thought plaguing his mind, and before noon he already sets the plan in motion, having been familiar enough with the staffs schedule to figure out a gap to let him sneak out without notice.  
  
            He slows to a jog and resigns to walking when he can feel the start of the familiar ache in his chest. Cursing, he takes deep breaths, calming himself down along the way; he cannot afford to ruin this rare chance by fainting on the sidewalk, really.  
  
            And it is only then that he realized that he had went all the way down the road, as sea of red lilies greeting him, the wind chime by the café sign tinkling softly, swayed by the wind.  
  
            Sungjong, like all the other people in the town, had grown up listening to all kinds of myths and legends about the place, and he can almost picture the disapproval of everyone at what he is about to do, but for some reason he cannot take his eyes off the small building, as his feet walks along, bringing him right at the doorstep of Infinite café. He dismisses the last thought of turning back, and reaches for the handle, pushing the door open.  
  
             The place is quaint, and the design is simple, with wooden chairs and square tables lined up along the window, lean white vases with a single lily situated in the middle of said tables. Sunlight streams in from the windows, bathing the place in a warm light, as if glowing.  
  
            He stands there, taking in the sight, when he faces forward and promptly stills.  
  
            Straight from the door is the counter, where a man with an eerily familiar face is standing with gentle smile on the lips as he greets him.  
  
            “Welcome to Infinite café, I am your barista for today; your order, sir?”  
  
            The barista cocks his head just so, and his mind spins, for he almost called out to a name he never thought he will say again.  
  
            Not after all this time, no.  
   
            He exhales the breathe he does not realize holding, and walks straight to the counter, before he lunges for the other’s collar, and punches the barista solid on the jaw with his right hook. The force sends the man wobbling backwards before hitting his back and slides down the wall.  
  
            Still, he grits his teeth, hands clenched, anger blinding his mind with rage so hard that he belatedly realize that his heart is beating a bit too loudly in his ears until his body hits the floor, his breath coming out ruggedly.  
  
            Sungjong closes his eyes, his mind derailing away with each flashes of memory.  
  


*******

  
_Tomorrow, keep walking_  
_We’re too young to stop_  
  
  
            The day Sungjong received his first pay coincides with the day Woohyun got his driving license, and the whole gang decided to celebrate at the fast food restaurant; with the two paying, of course.  
  
            The youngest had been eager to treat the hyungs, buying a lot of fries, so much it practically spills all over the tray, and Woohyun had chipped in on drinks, to which Sungyeol called him out for being a cheapskate, to the laughter of the rest of the guys.  
  
            The restaurant was scarce of customers, so they took the liberty to sit on the long table by the corner, taking up most of the space, and basically causing ruckus from the get go; Myungsoo started a food war by throwing fries at Sungyeol’s face, Sunggyu unleashing his inner rocker demon by yelling (screaming) at the waste of food, and Howon somehow took that as a cue to start an impromptu comic dance on the freaking table, drawing laughter from everyone who was watching.  
  
            They stayed there till it was late enough, getting high out of nothing at all, and when they step out onto the empty street, it was like they were invincible, even if only for the moment.  
  
             Woohyun, ever the sap, blurted it out.  
  
            “We should always be together, all of us; tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.”  
  
            All of them stared at him, incredulously, before bursting into another bout of laughter.  
  
            Still, Sunggyu went over and pats the younger on the back, and one by one, they copied the gesture, till Sungyeol went overboard and delivered a stinging slap instead, and they watched as the enraged Woohyun starts running, chasing after the other, screaming incoherently.  
  
            Dongwoo rubbed his cheeks, which hurt from laughing too much, and echoes it.  
  
            “He’s right, though; we should.”  
  
            Sungjong nodded at that, as do the rest, before hooking his arm around the two eldest, and pulled them towards where Woohyun finally caught up with Sungyeol, and had the other in a tight headlock; the latter’s beg for mercy muffled in the distance. Howon started trekking down after them, Myungsoo in tow.  
  
            They walked under the stars, all seven of them, and they never felt so alive.  
  


*******

  
_I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream_  
_So tell me when it kicks in_  
  
  
            The pitter patter of rain wakes him up, and there is a cup of coffee in front of him, the smell wafts around, filling the space. The furniture feels cool against his cheek, and he belatedly realized that he is lying against a table.  
  
            Thinking he just dozed off at the restaurant, like a million times before, he sits up, and opens his mouth to call for Sungyeol when a low chuckle greets him, snapping him awake.  
  
            Sitting across the table is one Nam Woohyun, eyes crinkling as he smiles down at him.  
  
            “Good morning, Sunggyu-hyung.”  
  
             Sunggyu just stares stupidly instead, his mind blank.  
  
            “It’s fine; take your time, hyung.”  
  
            He nods numbly, taking in the surroundings. They are in a café of sort, though try as he may he cannot for the life of him recognize the place. The whirring of the coffee machine clashes with the heavy rain outside, and the place is bare of any customers, sans the two of them on this table by the window.  
  
            He notes the white flower in the vase near the edge of the table, and assumes that the other must have moved them considering the rest of the tables have it in the centre of it.  
  
            And then there is Woohyun, who is still smiling softly at him, like a dream.  
  
            “How…”  
  
            Woohyun pushes the cup of coffee to him, cutting him short, but for some reason he cannot bring himself to drink it, so he pushes it back, and the younger snorts.  
  
            “Fine, then. It’s your loss, hyung.”  
  
            Alas, the cup left untouched between them, as silence settles in, until the younger, who has always been one that never really good with quietness, starts talking about anything and everything and nothing, and Sunggyu settles into the chair, listening attentively.  
  
            Somewhere between the anecdote on how the other and Sungyeol managed to prank poor Dongwoo _again_ , he feels himself swaying somehow, and he holds into his consciousness just a little to see the frown on Woohyun’s face.  
  
            And when he catches himself awake again, as if he was never asleep in the first place, the worry in the younger’s eyes is too apparent for him to dismiss completely, though there is a hint of sadness in them.  
  
            Sunggyu cannot decide which one is worse, so he ignores it.  
  
            Not Woohyun, though.  
  
            “Hyung, did you go over the limit again with the pills?”  
  
             There is a reprimand in his tone, and Sunggyu raises his head, ready to argue or defend or whatever when the usual dizzy spell strikes again, rendering him speechless. He barely registers Woohyun’s hand on the side of his face, cool against his skin.  
  
            “Let’s not meet here again, like this.”  
  
            Sunggyu closes his eyes, yet he can feel cool lips brushing his forehead, softly.  
  


*******

  
_We are deaf, we are numb  
Free and young and we can feel none of it _  
  
  
            If one can describe Kim Myungsoo in terms of personal possession, his DSLR camera will definitely come to mind of most people, though for Sungyeol, it will always be the small silver metal case lighter, as he swears he never saw the other without it, not even once.  
  
            Occasionally, he could see the glint in the younger’s eyes when he flicks on the lighter, but Sungyeol was, still is, not the most observant of them all. Though deep inside, he must have seen it coming, in one way or another, for he was not surprised, not one bit to find the lighter making its way to his possession when Myungsoo left.  
  
            Sunggyu had frowned at that, attempting to keep it in his stead, but he was adamant on having it, and the others rest their case. He never flicked it on, opting to keep it in his breast pocket; the weight of it grounds him to reality.  
  
            Until one day he stares into the mirror, and realization sinks in, silent scream escaping his throat at the look in his eyes staring back at him, his heart pounding wildly in his chest yet he feels nothing but cold and numb all over. He recognizes the look so well, as it mirrors Myungsoo’s on his off days.  
  
            Now he understands why Sunggyu had insisted on him to stay with the elder, and trying so hard every single day, even when the other can barely gather himself together without those stupid pills.  
  
            He laughs, so hard it hurts, as he almost lost his breath on a couple of instances, and wonders belatedly if the pain in his chest is as bad as the ones that confines Sungjong to that hospital bed.  
  
            The thought sobers him up completely, and as if struck by lightning, he stills in the middle of the room, as his mind replaying the last time the two of them went to visit the youngest.  
  
            Instead of going back like they always did after visiting hours is over, Myungsoo had decided to go down the road. He watched as Myungsoo keep going, him a step or two behind, and he followed the other until the sea of red lies upon their eyes.  
  
            “I’ve been meaning to come here for awhile now; and I always wondered why.”  
  
            The younger turns to him then, smiling brilliantly, and spreads his arms wide, fingers brushing against the red flowers.  
  
            “But I think I figured it out now.”  
  
             And just like that, Myungsoo’s voice starts ringing in his head again.  
  
            “Forgive me, Sungyeol, but oblivion is calling my name.”  
  


*******

  
_I don't know where you're going  
But do you got room for one more troubled soul?_  
  
  
            Unlike the other guys, who moves out for one reason or another, Howon still lives with his family, or more accurately, his mother and the man she married. The apartment they call home is small, but the tenants around are not exactly the type to pry, which might be the reason why they moved there in the first place, after his father passed on more than ten years ago.  
  
            His mother is a kind woman, and dotes on her only son endlessly, though she never forgets the other guys’ birthdays, and always makes sure that at least one of them comes back home with him for dinner, the sound of laughter ringing in the living room. Upon asked about it, she always smiles, and says things like how she always wanted more kids, and she had shamelessly asked the others to call her mom too, proclaiming that as this rate she technically had adopted all of them anyway, and beams when they did.  
  
            Sunggyu in particular never forgets to remind everyone to pool money for her birthday and mother’s day, despite her insistent to not trouble them, and the rest of the guys are just happy to oblige with that, some even goes to work a couple of shift extra just to add on to the pool, though they always tells her that Howon’s share is the biggest, and he is always thankful for that.  
  
             Lee Howon seems like the luckiest guy compare to his friends, but he is not.  
  
            Last year, when he was fired from his last job, Woohyun, the expert on part-time jobs due to his vast experience in almost everything, had pointed him to the convenience store two blocks down the road from his place, and he had accepted the job with half a mind to quit when he can find better place, but now he is glad he sticks with it, as it keeps him away from home.  
  
            Do not get him wrong, he loves her fiercely, and he sincerely believes that she deserves the world, but no matter how he tried he cannot come to accept the man she married. If anything, he hates him with a passion now, as he sits in front of the apartment, back towards the door, the sound of fighting pounding in his ears.  
  
            He stands up then, ignoring the pointed look his way from behind the drapes of his neighbors, as the shrill of their argument breaking the silence in the building. He walks along aimlessly, focusing on getting as far away from that place as possible.  
  
            A quick glance at the watch tells him that Sunggyu and Sungyeol must be at the restaurant still, Dongwoo must be heading to the gas station already, and Woohyun, given the chance, will definitely be slaving himself somewhere by now, he thinks.  
  
            It is always moments like this that he finds himself thinking about Myungsoo a lot; who was the first to call his mother ‘mom’ out of the others, and always, always looked at her with wide wonder.  
  
            Myungsoo; who was heartbroken as much as he was upon meeting that man, knowing he can never trust him for her but unable to do anything about it, not when she had looked at that man with such adoring look in her eyes.  
  
            So, when Myungsoo left, all Howon thought was how fitting of him; for the younger was always the one to run ahead of them all, the sight of his back burned in his eyes too many times to count.  
  
            He himself had half a mind to follow him, but Woohyun would show up in his head.  
  
            How unfair, he thinks.  
  


*******

  
_Boy with a broken soul  
Heart with a gaping hole_  
  
  
            The next thing he knows when he comes to is he is back in his room, which is his permanent residence since the last two years or so, situated at the far end of the hallway on the 6 th floor of the hospital building.  
  
            He rings the nurse out of habit, and expected the usual lecture when he goes around ignoring the doctor’s warnings but he almost regrets it when the head nurse drops by instead, a middle-aged woman who is about 40 and feared by all patients for her strictness.  
  
            Alas, Lee Sungjong is no coward, and he tries sitting up, ready to face her wrath.  
  
            Which is why he is left dumbfounded when the woman simply instructs him to lie down, checking his blood pressure, and sits on the chair, eyes unreadable as she looks at him, though there is something akin to sadness in it.  
  
            She turns her head to the table, and it is then he realized that the vase is no longer empty; there is a single stalk of white lily in it. He is sure that the last time it was filled with tulips, courtesy of Dongwoo and he had kept it for so long until the last one dried and died, to which he scattered the remains out of the window.  
  
            The head nurse reaches for his hand then, stroking it lightly.  
  
            “As beautiful lilies are, there is not a single florist who sold it in this town.”  
  
            He narrows his eyes at that, confusion coloring his face.  
  
            “The only way for one to get them is by going near the café down the road.”  
  
            Sungjong closes his eyes, as his mind spins.  
  
            “One of the young kids found you lying near the entrance, holding that flower.”  
  
            He was almost convinced that it had been a dream, all of it.  
  
            “Sungjong-ah, did you go in?”  
  
            He clamps his mouth shut, not trusting himself to speak.  
  
            “Whoever is it you met, they are not real, Sungjong-ah.”  
  
            A hand brushes the bang over his forehead, and he sinks into the bed.  
  
            “Have a rest, now.”  
  
            He can hear her standing, and slowly, walking towards the door, which closes with a soft click. He clenches his fist then, feeling the slight stinging pricking his skin, and stare blankly at the ceiling, uncomprehending.  
  
            For the one he met was solidly real, and the voice, the mannerism; everything screams _him_ that he cannot help it but let all the rage took over. Goes to show that he still hates that person to the deepest core of his heart, even after all this time, for being selfish, for taking everything into his hands, for-  
  
            His thought comes to a screeching halt, and his mind clears for the first time since the moment he opens the door to the place, or more specifically, when the attack came, sending him sprawled on the floor of Infinite café by the counter.  
  
            He remembered reaching for the medication in his pocket, but in the brink of losing consciousness he swears he saw a concerned face hovering over him, and a frighteningly cold hand holding his.  
  
            The feel of equally cold lips brushing his hand sends a barely suppressed shiver running down his spine, as the barista’s voice ringing in his mind, freezing him inside.  
  
            _“May this be our last meeting; dear customer. Farewell.”_  
  


*******

  
_This is the road to ruin_  
_And we’re starting at the end_  
  
  
  
            When Howon called for anyone after dinner time, it usually means that something happened at his place that warrants him to go out, and he would then spread the word among the group, resulting in as much people as possible gathering at their usual hideout -which is at one of the abandoned building at the outskirts of the town- later on.  
  
            That particular night, though, somehow, all seven of them were present, to the surprised and delight of themselves. It had been awhile since they were able to; with him himself having to take night shifts, Woohyun juggling multiple jobs _again_ , and Sunggyu usually being too out of it after a whole day of staying up. Coincidentally, it was also the first time they were gathering together after Sungjong’s diagnosis was out.  
  
            Dongwoo does not know if the plan was to distract the youngest, or he had seen the somber mood coming somehow, for Sungyeol brought an ungodly amount of sparklers and fireworks with him, to Myungsoo’s delight.  
  
            Alas, he had laughed so hard at Sunggyu’s horrified look as all of them started gathering around the tallest; Hoya patting the formers back with approval, Woohyun cackling at the younger’s genius, and Sungjong did not even bother to hide the apparent glee in his voice at the sight.  
  
            Myungsoo was given the honor to light the first firework, flicking the lighter on effortlessly, and they watched with excitement in their wide eyes as the flames burst, the sparks glowing bright against the dark night.  
  
            One by one, the sparklers lighted, and Dongwoo could feel his mind goes dizzy with happiness from all the chaos and laughter, but he was still sharp enough to take in the surroundings, as Sungyeol ran around the area, leaving trails of smoke in his wake; Woohyun, Howon and surprisingly Sunggyu adding to the hazard by lighting a couple of them at once and basically going crazy; Sungjong laughing at the elder’s antics, and Myungsoo standing at one side, looking at the bright lights with a dazed look in his eyes.  
  
            Later, when they used up all but one of them, Sungjong suggested they make a campfire in the middle of the area, and Howon readily agreed, admitting that he planned to crash on one of the sofa for the night, which prompts the others to want to join him.  
  
            They get busy almost immediately; positioning the sofas and cushions into a semi-circle, while Sungjong and him collecting all the used sparklers and some wood for the campfire. Later, they sat around and made themselves comfortable, and jolted in surprise when Sungyeol lighted the last sparkler -which had been buried within the campfire-, and screamed out.  
  
            “We’re young hearts; look at us go!”  
  
            Howon visibly cringed at the cheesy line, while Woohyun went around repeating it for good measure, before Sungjong brought out his diagnosis paper, and threw them into the fire, a smug look on the youngest face.  
  
            “Why, there’s no stopping us now, isn’t it?”  
  
            It became a competition soon enough, each of them declaring war on some stupid thing or another, and when Sunggyu wordlessly emptied out his bottle of pills -against his better judgment for sure-, it felt like they were winning, only if for a night.  
  
            Dongwoo had firmly believed that they will be alright, as he watched the sleeping faces of his friends later; Sunggyu on the furthest left of the sofa, Sungjong leaning against him, and Woohyun on the other side of the youngest. Howon took up one of the used car seat beside him, huddled up with head lolled to the side, and Sungyeol was sprawled across the other sofa in the middle of the circle, head on Myungsoo’s lap, who was yet to sleep, eyes fixed on him instead.  
  
            “What’s wrong, Myungsoo?”  
  
            A slow, small smile crept up the younger’s handsome face.  
  
            “I forgot my camera, hyung.”  
  
            He almost laughed at that, amused.  
  
            “There’s always next time, really.”  
  
            The younger closed the eyes, leaning against the sofa.  
  
            “But then it might be too late for me, hyung; I should have burn it sooner.”  
  
            Something akin to shiver crawled up his skin at the tone of the other’s voice, but he blamed it on the cold wind before feeling himself drifting to sleep, despite the niggling feeling at the back of his mind.  
  
            Unbeknownst to the rest of the guys, Myungsoo had opened his eyes sometime after midnight, and when he was sure Dongwoo and possibly everyone had fallen asleep deep enough, took out his lighter from the back pocket, fiddling with it before flicking it on and off, over and over again, eyes staring blankly at the ashes on the floor.  
  
            And he was slipping away.  
  
  
  
---


	2. Chapter 2

 

  
  


*******

  
_Shadows settle on the place, that you left  
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness_  
  
  
  
            From the window in his room, one can only see the greenery separating the hospital and Infinite café, but if they squint hard enough they will swear that they can almost see the red lilies, as well as the outline of the small building.  
  
            Sungjong has been able to see the wooden structure since the first day he threw his gaze outside, and thought nothing about it, until he caught wind of the rumor in the hospital, how only one close to death are able to do so, and he watched with morbid realization as the image becomes clearer as days goes by.  
  
            Now, it is as if the greenery between the two buildings does not even exist in his eyes, and he had learn to come to peace with everything for awhile now, despite the doctor’s reassurance that he will be fine; we just need a donor, etc, etc.  
  
            He can technically recite the whole speech by heart now, it is almost pitiful.  
  
            A knock on the door brings him out of his musing, and he can hardly hide the surprise on his face when Sunggyu comes in, a plastic bag in his hands.  
  
            “How’s our maknae today, bored out of your mind as usual?”  
  
            He sits upright, shrugging, and accepts the gift, which is apples this time around, along with some books about constellations, to his delight. The older boy settles on the chair beside the bed, his back on the door, and out of habit he reaches to draw the curtain close, to which the elder chastises him on it.  
  
            “Let the sunlight in, you’re too pale to worry on tanned skin anyway.”  
  
            He stuck his tongue out on the remark, and distracts the other by almost demanding the other to peel the fruit, which earn him a half-hearted glare, like always. He listens as the eldest rambles about work, how Sungyeol actually got a huge tip and bought the constellation book as apology for not dropping by, Dongwoo almost got fired for smoking during working again, and Howon almost never goes home anymore, crashing in at Dongwoo’s place.  
  
            Sungjong watches as shadows settle in Sunggyu’s eyes, and ignores the ache in his chest when the eldest continues talking, even with his head lolled to one side, like always whenever the sleep episodes occurs. He reaches for the other’s hand, and holds his tongue when the other man snaps awake and switches the topic, for Sunggyu has no memory of what he was talking about, as evident when he repeat the same thing again, worry marring his face as he talks about Howon and his home trouble.  
  
            Still, he nods and agrees at appropriate places, letting his hyung doing all the talking, and it feels like everything is normal until Sunggyu gets up from the chair, ready to leave, and sees the lone white lily in the vase on the table. He watches as the other promptly stills, as if rooted on the spot, staring at the stalk.  
  
            “I wonder if that really was him telling me goodbye, Sungjong-ah.”  
  
            Something akin to dread pools in Sungjong’s stomach and he unconsciously held his breath in when the elder reaches out a hand, and brushes the petals softly.  
  
            “How cruel, to do that after all this time.”  
  
            He opens his mouth to ask, and the words come out so small, like a whisper.  
  
            “Who did you met there, Sunggyu-hyung?”  
  
            The haunting look on the man’s face crushes him, so much it hurts.  
  
            “Woohyun, of course; Myungsoo and Sungyeol still talks to me, you see.”  
  
            It took all of his entire being not to scream.  
  


*******

  
_For such a long time I didn't know if I'd find you  
Say stop, made up, lying on the bathroom floor_  
  
  
            On rare times when Sunggyu actually stayed out, Sungyeol liked to sit in the bathtub, or just filled it full with water and lets it overflow, washing over him as he sat on the floor, unmoving, until Sunggyu returned and got mad for blowing the bills again, though the eldest would always tugged him close and dried his hair, exasperate sigh escaping the lips.  
  
            He felt bad every single time, for worrying the other as much, but the cool water helped him empties his mind from dark thoughts, and once he found out a way to break out of them he could not stop, even when he was a shivering mess, hugging his lanky frame close against the tub.  
  
             That day, Sunggyu was out for the usual hospital appointment, and Sungyeol was actually being productive for once, cleaning the kitchen, throwing out the trash, and sorting out his stuffs when a black shoebox caught his attention, hidden deep underneath all the old clothes in the cupboard.  
  
            Something niggling at the back of his mind, as if screaming at him to leave it as is, but Sungyeol was not really good at ignoring things when he was supposed to. Thus he had no one but himself to blame when he could feel the start of his off days, dozens and dozens of photos spilled out, scattered near his feet when he dropped the box.  
  
            With shaking fingers, he gathered them, shoved it back into the slightly bent box, when he caught sight of a key, and he remembered the locked metal box he saw behind the shoebox earlier.  
  
            At this point Sungyeol was past caring already, and decided to just get it over with as he pulled out the box. He had an inkling on what might be inside, yet his breath still caught in his throat when the key unlocked smoothly, revealing Myungsoo’s DSLR camera.  
  
            After the carnage, he had salvaged as much of what was left of Myungsoo’s belongings, despite the disagreement of the rest of the guys, and in the end Sunggyu made him choose between the camera and the lighter, to which he pick the latter, to the eldest surprise.  
  
            He had not known what had become of it afterwards, and half of him had accepted the thought of Sunggyu throwing everything away, which is why he had not expected to see all the remnants again, after all that had went down.  
  
            When they found the camera, in its pitiful state, the first thing everyone lunged for was the SD card, for surely Myungsoo would use it before he went, and maybe, just maybe, they can have some sort of answer to all the never-ending question brought by the situation, and he remembered the pure disbelief in their eyes when the slot was empty.  
  
            Nobody figured out where the missing card was, and Sungyeol was too disoriented to care at that time, that the matter was dropped altogether. The authorities returned the camera back to them after closing the case, and it lie in that box, forgotten by time.  
  
            He picked the camera up, cradling it carefully, despite the mess it has become, and started fiddling with the buttons, the way he remembered its owner used to do, and frowned when some of it were jammed, stuck in its frame. The lens was cracked, broken beyond repair, and the fact that it was more or less still in one piece amazed him, somewhat.  
  
            Just because, he checked the SD slot again, confirmed its empty, and was about to put it back when he noticed the bundle of stuffs in the same box, thrown haphazardly together in the DSLR pouch; USB wires, card readers, batteries, floppy discs, and the younger’s compact camera.  
  
            The guys had teased the younger for being sentimental when they figured out that Myungsoo still kept his first camera, despite being broken for years now after a mishap involving a pool, and the definitely-not-waterproof gadget, but his best friend had always been quite a character under the aloof exterior.  
  
            His mind spun when he discovered the SD card in it, and Myungsoo’s voice rang.  
  
            “This way, no one but you will see it first, so promise you won’t tell, okay?”  
  
            Sungyeol plucked out the card, and started putting everything back into place.  
  
            “Of course; it’s a promise, Myungsoo-ah.”  
  


*******

  
_I am with you always  
From life until death takes me_  
  
  
             He cannot really remember how they came to be, nor does he think it is that important anymore, but as the second oldest member of this ragtag group, Dongwoo is in the unique position of able to care for the younger guys and keeping an eye on the reckless Sunggyu at the same time, no matter how much the eldest refused it.  
  
            He has been playing peacemaker for the group a lot, and in a way, they had all come to rely to him in a way or another, so much that he is listed as the first person contact in case of emergency instead of each other’s family; Howon included.  
  
            (He had refused when Howon asked, considering he is in good terms with the latter’s mother himself, but the strained look in the other’s eyes stopped him in his tracks, and he agreed.)  
  
            He had taken full responsibility, despite the quiet disagreement in Sunggyu’s eyes, and he had never ones regretted it. Sungjong once remarked that he is stronger than he seems to be, and if he believed in those words more than he believed in himself, well, nobody else needs to know.  
  
            Dongwoo wonders what else the youngest see in him, and in each of them, for the other is always far more observant and wiser than the rest of them combined.  
  
            Still, he doubts Sungjong will ever see this coming, he thinks.  
  
            He had received a call from Howon’s mother, voice hushed yet firm, calling him over immediately, as the younger’s hysterical cry filling the background. His blood rushed to the head as he ran out of his flat and sprinted down the road, dread pooling in his stomach.  
  
            Walking into the scene of carnage, he assessed the situation, and wordlessly pulled Howon’s zipper up, covering the shirt, the younger’s eyes glassy, staring blankly to the ceiling.  
  
             “Take him away, Dongwoo.”  
  
            The cold in her voice before the call abruptly cut off sent shiver down his spine, and he nudges the other to stand, guiding him to the sink and washes the hands and face off the sickening red color.  
  
            He ignores her throughout the whole ordeal, and only when they are at the front door, does he turns back, silently asking her to stop this. Alas, she grants him a hard look, and all but shoves him and her son out of the place.       
  
            “You are no longer my son! Leave!”  
  
            Her shout echoes throughout the building, and ringing in his head.  
  
            They are well within a distance from the building when Howon snaps out of his reverie, eyes looking around in panic, and trying to make his way back. He responds by tightening his iron grip on Howon’s hand, and marches on; the younger’s endless pleading falls into deaf ears.  
  
            His mind whirls in his head, and he remembers the one time they lie down on the tarmac of the empty parking lot, his head on Howon’s arm, staring at the starless night sky, as they wait for Woohyun to arrive in his rented car and picking up the rest of the guys.  
  
            The younger’s voice was laced with quiet resignation as they talk about the future, and moments later Howon was whooping and laughing as Woohyun arrived, driving in a circle around them, Sungyeol’s manic laughter echoing the area.  
  
            It makes him wonder what else he missed, amidst the happy picture they painted.  
  
            For the regret on not talking to Myungsoo after that night at their hideout still haunts him till this very day, and he is determined enough to do absolutely everything to keep Howon safe, now, even if it kills him in the process.  
  
            Still, Dongwoo clenches his teeth, hard, and wonders just where they went wrong.  
  


*******

  
_I want you to be brighter than sunshine  
Brighter than sunshine_  
  
  
            If one asked Woohyun what is his biggest wish, he would most definitely answer, with sincerity in his voice; for them to stay together for as long as they could, and smiles softly, as if just the mere thought of it left him content already.  
  
            For he had been there when Sungjong’s diagnosis came out, his heart beating madly in his chest, and his blood had run cold the first time Sunggyu collapsed, freezing all of his insides until there was nothing but helplessness with each nap the eldest took, drifting in and out of wakefulness.  
  
            He also had noticed that Myungsoo’s off days had been more regular than usual, which affecting Sungyeol more than the latter lets on, while Howon had gotten more distance with each day he spent not talking to his mother. He ignored the sight of the cigarette box in Dongwoo’s pocket, and how the shine in the elder’s eyes dimmed with each drag of nicotine into his system.  
  
            One may think that Woohyun’s tendency to exaggerate came to play again, but the group of friends he has was technically the family he never had, and it broke him to see them going off-tangent, one by one, and having no power to do anything to fix the situation.  
  
            So he did the best thing he could; which was taking as many jobs as possible for a man, and accumulate as much money as possible. He convinced Dongwoo to try out as gas station attendant -with a hidden motive of having the elder cut back on the smoking habit-, and when Howon got fired from the last job, he was quick to suggest a new one almost immediately, if only to channel the excess energy the younger have outside of home.  
  
            He worked hard, too hard, that it was almost cruel how everything was taken away.  
  
            He had a day off at one of his night shifts, and while he would usually took the opportunity to catch up on some well-deserved rest, he found that sleep had eluded him, and he wound up wandering on the streets, thoughts whirling in his mind.  
  
            So when he bumped his shoulder onto one of the guys, he barely noticed it.  
  
            Enraged, the taller of the two men shouted at him, before pushing him against the shutter of the closed flower shop, hand grabbing his neck, to which he defiantly slapped off, eyes cold. A kick landed square on his stomach immediately after, rendering him breathless.  
  
            Alas, Woohyun was not much of a fighter, but he definitely could hold his own had he not been tired as hell. Still, he tried defending himself, as much as he possibly could in his state, but a well-aimed knee-kick to his face send him reeling, and he hits the ground unceremoniously. Shots of pain stinging all over his body and he can feel blood trickling from his lips.  
  
            When the men finally left, he took some time to grab a hold of himself, and stood up before trying to make his way back. He lost himself in his thoughts again; formulating excuses to give to his boss at work the next day and Sunggyu, who would definitely get worried again.  
  
            A loud screech of tire braking on the road brought him out of his musing abruptly, and he turned to his left to see an incoming car, speeding straight towards him, the light so bright it practically blinds him.  
  
            So much, all Woohyun could see was white, even when the car painted everything red.  
  


*******

  
_We would run on the block all night and day  
We didn't want to get older_  
  
  
       
            On the rare days that they were able to go out together, the whole seven of them, Sunggyu always suggested that they go for a walk, regardless of distance; sometimes near, just along the streets near the neighborhood or running around the deserted buildings a couple of blocks down the road. Sometimes they went far, hanging out at the old train station, walking across the abandoned railway tracks, and hanging out on top of the biggest train head they could find, chattering aimlessly as they face the town.  
  
            They usually went around doing things as they come, that the first time they really took to plan on meeting up was also the last time they gathered together, all seven of them.  
  
            Woohyun had wanted to see the sea, so bad; he even went so far as to offer the ticket money, to which the rest of them shamelessly agreed. And the happiness on the man’s face must be infectious enough, for they actually managed to plan a trip of sort, scheduling everyone’s schedule so that everyone would be present, and on that promised date, they took the earliest bus to the nearest beach, excitement rolling off of them in waves.  
  
            When they arrived, Sungyeol spotted a construction structure in a distance, and Woohyun started walking on the raised concrete by the sidewalk, balancing himself when Myungsoo broke off into a run, heading straight to the said structure.  
  
            Soon enough, they were running around after him, while Sungjong settled for a jog after he sent him a hard stern look, to which the others promptly slowed down, and ran along with the youngest, joking around.  
  
            They stood in line, talking about everything and nothing, waving at the birds and huddled in jackets as the wind blows around them, the sea spread out before them so wide, and the sun shone down, like a blessing.  
  
            Those are the best moments he can think off the top of his head, and he ignores the fact that the sky was always too bleak for such occasion, just as he likes to think that the radiant faces of his friends were so blinding it effortlessly replaced the brightness of the sun above.  
  
             Woohyun would laugh at him then, saying things like he had gotten sentimental for no apparent reason, and he would get mad at the younger for being such an obnoxious kid, but the guffawed laughter of Dongwoo would appeased his wrath, and they were back to the start again.  
  
            If they were lucky Howon would brought some homemade cookies courtesy of his wonderful mother, and they laughed as Sungyeol started making grabby hands at them, until they were down for the last piece, to which Myungsoo and Sungjong would start fighting for them seriously, or as serious as one can get over a cookie, which according to the two youngest, was a lot, really.  
  
            They will do this again; keep on being like this, tomorrow.  
  
            In another world, perhaps, Sunggyu’s wishes might come true.  
  


*******

  
_Keep it close_  
_When they’re coming for us_  
  
  
            He had checked Myungsoo’s SD card almost immediately after he found it, and he exhaled in relief to discover that it was still working, surviving the carnage. He locked the door to his room, careful to ensure that Sunggyu would not catch him in any way possible, and ignored the way his hands could not stop shaking, despite himself.  
  
            There was dozens and dozens of pictures inside, and he laughed out loud at some of the weird poses and faces they made, reveling in the good memories, back when they were still seven.  
  
            Myungsoo had hardly brought out his DSLR anymore after Woohyun left, and even if he did, he would only photograph his best friend anyways, that no one even bother asking about it later on, accepting it as the way the younger cope with the missing number in the group, though Sungyeol knows better.  
  
             He started deleting the pictures, one by one by one, till he reached the last file, and true to prediction it was taken on the same date as the incident, though he hesitated slightly when he realized it was a video file instead of the usual pictures.  
  
            The man who found the camera had said that it was placed with support and everything, as if to ensure that it stay stabilized throughout the whole thing, and he had been to the other’s place too many times to count to figure out where exactly it was placed.  
  
            Still, he could not help the shiver that ran down his skin when he played the video, and the whole of Myungsoo’s room, like the one he remembered, came into view. The younger must have used automatic timer or something, for the said person was not seen anywhere, and he was about to fast forward when Myungsoo showed up, dressed in a jean and simple shirt, holding a gas can.  
  
            Dread pooled in his stomach, and he was saying ‘no’ over and over again, like a prayer, horror in his eyes as the younger opens the can, and pours its content all over the room while standing on the bed before throwing the empty can carelessly, a blank expression on his face the whole time.  
  
            Alas, nothing stopped Sungyeol from stifling a silent scream when his best friend took out the lighter, flicking it on and off before keeping it on with a dazed look at the sight of the flame, and stood up, his body facing the camera.  
  
            Kim Myungsoo drops the lighter on the floor, setting the whole room on fire.  
  
            Yet, even as he stood there, the dazed look remained on the handsome face, as he watched the flame engulfing the area before he made his way to the camera, as calm as ever.  
  
            The video stopped there, as the screen fades to black, but Sungyeol did not have to watch to know that Myungsoo must have took out the SD card, placed it in the compact camera, puts it with other stuff for him to retrieve later, and sat down, amidst the fire he loved so much.  
  
            Later, Sungyeol sat in the bathtub, hugging his knees, his mind surprisingly empty, devoid of any thoughts. He opened the tap, watching as the water starts filling the space, and took out a paper envelope with smashed bits of Myungsoo’s SD card inside.  
  
            He leant on the tub then, grabbing the lighter from his back pocket, and flicked it on effortlessly, before setting the envelope on fire. He held onto the paper, watching as the flame quickly spreads over every inch of it, and drops it on the floor.  
  
             Lee Sungyeol closed the tap just so it will not overflow, and sinks lower.  
  


*******

  
_Ouch, I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found_  
  
  
            Howon returned home from work to hear the usual argument, _again_ , and he was ready to turn and walked away when the sound of something breaking stopped him. He shuffled closer to the door, and he could hear his voice now, slurred and angry, and then there was her voice and she was-  
  
            He stepped inside, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, careful not to alarm the two on his presence, and he watched as the man lifts his hand, and hits her with a sounding slap, his mind spun as she staggered at the force.  
  
            He had suspected of it, and even confronted her about possible violence in their arguments, but she always denied everything, and worse, defended that man, all while saying things like it was nothing for him to be worried about.  
  
            Howon saw red when that man continued screaming down at her and in blind rage, picked up one of the empty soju bottle, and rammed it into his stomach, over and over and over again.  
  
            When he came to, there was trickle of blood coming out from that man’s mouth and there was red, red everywhere; on that man’s shirt, on his shirt, his hand, the hand covering his, on the floor, and he unknowingly took a step back as the man fell on his knees.  
  
            He released his grip of the glass, letting it fell to pieces between them, and the crashing sound snapped something inside of him. Howon slide down the wall as he screamed, hands covering his eyes at the realization of everything, his hysterical cry echoing the small wall of their home.  
  
            Later, when his throat hurts and raw from all the screaming, he settled to stare at the ceiling, his mind blank, as if being wiped clean of everything, to the point he barely registered Dongwoo’s presence in front of him, zipping his jacket and pulled him up, guiding him to the sink to wash off all the red on his hand and face.  
  
            He almost registered his mother’s shout as they walked out the door, and he totally snaps out of his reverie when they are well within a distance from the building. He looks around in panic as flashes of red whirls in his head, as well as that man’s lifeless eyes, and he tried making his way back -to do what he did not know exactly- but Dongwoo’s steps are not faltered, not one bit as they marches down the road.  
  
             Howon can care less on anything now, as he pleads to the elder to turn around, but the other is eerily stubborn, and he does not even have half the energy to yank his hand from Dongwoo’s iron grip on his, that he just follows, eyes dazed at the sea of red lilies in front of them.  
  
            Dongwoo stops right at the doorstep, and loosens the grip, albeit slightly.  
  
            “Nobody will find us here, so for the time being we can just, sit here.”  
  
            The haunted look on his hyungs face kills any semblance of words on his lips.  
  
            “She entrusted you to me, the moment she cut all ties with us.”  
  
            Her shout rings clearly in his mind, echoing deep inside.  
  
            “I will not give you up, Howon.”  
  
            He looks at the other’s face, properly, and finds the hidden words in the dark eyes.  
  
            “Don’t give me up,” it told him.  
  
            So he nods, slowly, feeling the numbness settling in, and follows the other inside.  
  
            They settle on one of the tables by the window, and waits for the setting sun. Dongwoo will then go back to his place, where he will pack both his and Howon’s stuff, and together they will leave the town before the sunrise.  
  
            And the whole time, the barista simply looks on, without as much of a word.  
  
            For both Lee Howon and Jang Dongwoo are becoming the ghost in their own hearts, yet still strong enough to hold onto life, that there is nothing Infinite café can do for them, but to lend a roof as shelter, only if for a night.  
  


*******

  
_Don't save me, don't save me, 'cause  
I don't care_  
  
  
            There is a firm knock on the door, and Sungjong pauses in his reading, brows furrowed. A quick glance at the clock tells him that it is way too early for a visit, and the staffs would not wait for more than 5 seconds before inviting themselves in, so this must be something else altogether.  
  
            His mind helpfully applies Dongwoo’s sudden and quick visit three days ago, and he schools his features quick enough as the door opens, revealing two men who smiles politely, yet Sungjong knows enough by now to recognize them as people from authority.  
  
            One of them introduces himself as Soohyun, from the local police station, and he listens with quiet resignation as the detective calmly explains the possible homicide case that took place at their home and-  
  
            “We are still searching for the whereabouts of the victim’s son, Lee Howon, and we were informed that you knew the young man quite well, so is it possible to ask a few questions…”  
  
              Sungjong grips the book in his hands, so hard, his knuckle turns white, and he just realized that he had stop breathing when the detective’s panicked face swims in front of his eyes, before everything goes black.  
  
            Much later, when he is 80% confident he can control himself, he rings the nurses, and watches dazedly as the head nurse drops by, administrating the machines with the ease of a veteran.  
  
            “The detective might pay you another visit later.”  
  
            His mind spins around, and he reminds himself to simply breathe.  
  
            “But from what I heard that young man already gave his statement.”  
  
            He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.  
  
            “The one who brought that thick book on stars, I think.”  
  
            He wonders how Sunggyu deals; now there are only the two of them left.  
  
            “I know you don’t believe in possible cure anymore, but for his sake, I hope you give everything a try again, Sungjong-ah.”  
  
            His eyes widen at that, for he never thought the staff will pick up on that.  
  
            “Sometimes, you look like you rather get everything done and over with, Sungjong.”  
  
            The soft look in her eyes tells him she had known for awhile now, and he grimaces inside, averting his eyes. She pats his head, before silently walking out; the door closes with a soft click.  
  
            He sighs, slow and inaudible, and throws his gaze outside, where Infinite café stood proud, and if he squints hard enough he can see the barista watering the lilies, leaning over the open window, dark hair tousled by the wind. As if sensing him from there, the barista looks up, and the ache in Sungjong’s chest acts up again.  
  
            For even from this far, he can make up Myungsoo’s features quite clearly, and if he really wishes for it, he swears he can hear Woohyun’s voice, singing softly as he bakes, and Sungyeol’s attempt for harmony as he cleans the table.  
  
            He had sneak out again two days ago, when the sun had long sets and the sky was bare of any stars, and he made it just in time to catch Howon and Dongwoo at the end of the road, wearing a cap on and a backpack on their backs, and Sunggyu had given them a hug tight enough to hurt, before the two disappeared into the night.  
  
            Sunggyu turned towards him then, a soft smile on his face.  
  
            “I’ll look after you, so please, don’t get too far away, tomorrow.”  
  
            The eldest had said it with quiet resignation in his voice, so soft, like a whisper, and impossibly lonely, he had to grit his teeth to ensure that he would not cry at the sight.  
  
            Later, much later, the youngest of the group holds his hyung’s hand, as the eldest falls into a nap again, and grips it as tight as he can for as long as time allows him to. When the other gets up to leave by the end of visiting hours, he steadies his voice, and speaks.  
  
            “Forgive me, hyung.”  
  
            He simply smiles, pats the younger’s head, and walks away.  
  
            Kim Sunggyu never goes to visit Lee Sungjong again.  
  


*******

  
_I need to empty you out little by little  
Yes, I need to erase you_  
  
  
            The sky is blue and the sun is shining, yet all Sunggyu wants is to stay in his room and lies down all day, the sound of cicadas too loud in his ears, and the heat is pricking his skin. There is a fishbowl filled with trinkets and decorated with shells under his arms, and he is walking down the trodden path towards the hospital, as an errand for the old grandmother who lives in the room opposite his.  
  
            “My grandchild is hospitalized, and I want to decorate his room a bit, you see.”  
  
            He almost pointed out that the child most probably not going to stay long anyway -it’s just a minor surgery-, but he can see the silent pleading in the elder’s eyes, and before he knew it he is already halfway down the stairs, holding the round fishbowl.  
       
            Besides, he owed the grandmother a lot anyway, for always baking extra batch of cookies just for him, even when she really should not have. Or maybe it is secretly her way to manipulate him into running around in her stead under this horrible weather on his day off work at the restaurant.  
  
            Sunggyu makes it to the building without any incident, something he secretly marvels at, and walks down the hallway to the child’s room with an air of someone who has been there countless times. Like always, he is careful to avoid familiar faces among the staffs, and upon reaching the room, he is glad to discover that the girl is alone, sitting upright on the bed, fiddling with a book.  
  
            A memory flashes in his mind at the sight, and he promptly ignores it.  
  
            He keeps the visit short, and does not wait around until the girl’s mother returns back to the room, as he can feel his head spinning. It would not do to scare the poor girl after all, he thinks.  
  
            Still, he all but dashes outside the room and out of the hospital, and he barely realize that he is going the wrong way when sea of red greets him, yet he marches on, until his legs wobbles beneath him, and he collapses down the sidewalk, stalks of white lilies looming over his head.  
  
            He has hard time recalling things and people lately, to his own horror sometimes, but from time to time there are familiar faces talking to him about everything and nothing, and he can live with that.  
  
            His mind drifted to the empty bottle in the bathroom cabinet, or is it the kitchen now?  
  
            Right, he had run out of the pills faster than usual this time around.  
  
            Kim Sunggyu sighs, heavily, closes his eyes, and stops thinking altogether.  
  


*******

  
  
            There is a coffee shop at the end of the road by the hospital. The shop is quaint, small and simple in design, with a lone wind chime hanging by the sign that read Infinite café, emblazoned in pearly gold color. No one knows how old the shop is, for it has been there since one can remember, though for some reason the townspeople generally tend to stay away from it, as if there is a barrier that keeps them at arm’s length.  
  
            One would attribute that to the elders of the town, who would warn against going down the very road, much less visiting the café, with threatening and cautionary tales keeping the curios away, passed from generations to generations; words like haunted by death being the most common legend about the place.  
  
            This is even more so when they lost a group of youth, one by one they left until only one remains, and the whole town watches as the lone young man, who has a serious case of narcolepsy starts trekking down the usually deserted road daily soon after.  
  
            Nobody says anything, but there is an unspoken agreement among the folks to lend a hand and keeps watch over the soft-spoken young man, who always, always working hard to repay the others back by all means he can think of at the time, -sometimes he sings for the elderly, or run simple errands- even when he can barely gather himself together.  
  
            Until one day the son of the local barber found the man collapsed right at the door step of the coffee shop, and the whole town reacts in horror as the young man stare blankly at the ceiling of the hospital ward, forgotten names on his lips.  
  
            When he finally opens the door to Infinite café, no one has it in them to blame him.  
  
            For the place is always there, a constant through time, doors welcome for the broken ones with shadows in their eyes, and perpetual sadness clinging to their entire being.  
  
            Only to be greeted by the very ghosts in their hearts.  
  
            Who beckons them in with a soft, gentle smile, and impossibly real.  
  
            And they will do this again; keep on being like this, tomorrow.  
  
            Surely, their wishes will come true.  
  


*******  
  
  
_They say that we’re  
Living for happiness  
But what is that_  
  
---  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting this at the end to avoid spoiler, har har.
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompts:**
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. Quote: "The forecast is  
> we kiss goodbye and never hello  
> all kisses are then parting kisses" - She, Saul Williams
> 
> 2\. Image: [image](http://36.media.tumblr.com/c265297595978c81b01b2273b784b39f/tumblr_mzx5zu0xag1qic91bo1_500.jpg)
> 
> 3\. Song: [BTS - I Need U](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjskoRh8GTE)


End file.
